Happiness Equates with Fun?
I live in Hollywood. You may think people in such a glamorous, fun-filled place are happier than others. If so, you have some mistaken ideas about the nature of happiness.
Many intelligent people still equate happiness with fun. The truth is that fun and happiness have little or nothing in common. Fun is what we experience during an act. Happiness is what we experience after an act. It is a deeper, more abiding emotion.
Going to an amusement park or ball game, watching a movie or television, are fun activities that help us relax, temporarily forget our problems and maybe even laugh. But they do not bring happiness, because their positive effects end when the fun ends.
I have often thought that if Hollywood stars have a role to play, it is to teach us that happiness has nothing to do with fun. These rich, beautiful individuals have constant access to glamorous parties, fancy cars, expensive homes, everything that spells "happiness".
But in memoir after memoir, celebrities reveal the unhappiness hidden beneath all their fun: depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, broken marriages, troubled children, profound loneliness.
The way people cling to the belief that a fun-filled, pain-free life equates happiness actually diminishes their chances of ever attaining real happiness. If fun and pleasure are equated with happiness, then pain must be equated with unhappiness. But, in fact, the opposite is true: More times than not, things that lead to happiness involve some pain.
As a result, many people avoid the very endeavors that are the source of true happiness. They fear the pain inevitably brought by such things as marriage, raising children, professional achievement, religious commitment, civic or charitable work, and self-improvement.
A moving story–about FAMILY
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year oldson waiting for him at the door.
SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?" replied the man.
SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily.
SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "If you must know, I make $20 an hour."
"Oh", the little boy replied, with his head down.Looking up, he said,"Daddy, may I please borrow $10?"
The father was furious, "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behaviour."
The little boy quietly went to his room an! d shut the door.The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down,and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $10 and he really didn't ask for money very often.
The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep, son?" He asked. "No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.
"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier said the man ."It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $10 you asked for." The little boy sat straight up,smiling. "Oh, thank you.daddy!" He yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The man, seeing that the boy already had money,started to get angry again.he little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father."Why do you want more money ! if you already have some?" the father grumbled. "Because I didn't have enough, but nowI do," the little boy replied. "Daddy, I have $20 now. Can I buy anhour of your time? Please comehome early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."
So what is the moral of the story? Don't work too hardand you know what's the full word of FAMILY?
Five Balls Of Life
This was written by the CEO of Coca-Cola Brian G. Dyson.It was used as Georgia Tech's Commencement Address:
Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them work, family, health, friends and spirit and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.But the other four balls family, health, friends and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life. How?
Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.
Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as they would be your life, for without them, life is meaningless.
Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.
Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each together.
Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give it; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.
Don't forget, a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.
Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery and Today is a gift: that's why we call it 'The Present'.
Don’t Miss Out on Life
It takes only a minute to get crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone. But it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile. Because it only takes a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Maybe we meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person. We will know how to be grateful for that gift.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Giving someone all your love will not provide assurance that they'll love you back. Don't expect love in return; Just wait for it to grow in their hearts. But if it doesn't, be content. It grew in yours.
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything. They just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Happiness are for those who cry, those who have searched, and those who have tried because only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
Disaster on a mountain
When Ruth Hagan was 78 years old, she visited her daughter Judy and teenage granddaughter Marcy in California. They headed for their cabin, zigzagging forty miles up and down the mountains in their Bronco, from pavement to gravel to a narrow one-lane road of brittle shale and powdery dirt that wound terrifyingly close to cliffs.
After dinner Marcy announced the water tank was low and that she would take the Bronco down to the pump and get water. Ruth was nervous about her young granddaughter driving down the narrow dirt road by herself, but Judy reminded her that Marcy had been driving vehicles up there on the ranch roads since she was 12.
"Just be careful, Marcy," her mother warned. "They've had a dry spell up here and the cliff side is pretty shaky. Be sure to hug the mountain side."
Ruth said a quick prayer as she and Judy watched Marcy from the big window where they could see the road winding down the mountainside. Fifteen minutes later Judy was still watching when suddenly she screamed, "Oh no! God help us! She went over the cliff, Momma! The Bronco and Marcy - they went over! We have to help her! Come on!"
The cabin door slammed and Judy took off running. Ruth ran behind her, but Judy was quickly out of sight after the first turn in the road. Ruth raced down the steep hill, breathing hard. She ran on and on, down the hill, up the next, trying to catch up with her daughter. It was getting harder and harder to see anything at dusk. Ruth stopped cold and looked around.
She screamed into the darkness "Judy, where are you?" Off to her immediate right and down the cliff she heard, "Down here, Mother! Don't come near the edge! I slipped on loose rocks and fell over. I'm down about twenty feet."
"Oh dear God, Judy, what can I do?"
"Just stay back, Momma! The road is giving out all over! I think I can crawl back up. I saw the white roof of the Bronco when I was falling, Momma, and I heard Marcy calling for help. She's alive! But she's way down there in the ravine. You have to go back to the cabin and phone for help. Tell them to send a helicopter. We have to get Marcy out!"
Ruth resisted looking over the edge to make sure Judy was really okay. She turned around and started running back up the hill she'd just stumbled down. Up one hill, down the next. She had one hill left to climb when she stumbled on loose dirt and rocks and fell on her face. Chest pains took her breath away. She started to sob. "Dear God," she prayed, "please help me get back to the cabin so I can call for help!"
At that moment something went through Ruth. It was like a powerful energy and she knew for certain that somebody was there to help her. She heard the words, "I am here." She stood up, completely relaxed and rested. A surge of pain-free energy propelled her forward.
Ruth ran on confidently, faster than she had before, and up that last big hill. She turned into the cabin driveway, pushed through the front door and dialed 911. She sputtered out the details of the disaster but unfortunately, she had no idea where she was. The dispatcher was totally confused. Ruth had to get Judy up to the phone so she could give directions. Ruth stepped out of the cabin into total darkness. She grabbed a three-foot-long walking stick propped against the cabin door and started running back down the switchback road.
She continued to run with energy and determination through the darkness. Up the hill, down the hill, up the second hill. Suddenly she stopped, not knowing where she was. "Marcy! Judy!" she shouted.
A faint voice cried from directly below. "I'm here, Grandma."
Another voice. "Momma!" It was Judy.
Ruth dropped to her knees, then lay flat on her belly as she scooted herself closer and closer to the edge of the cliff. She held the walking stick over the edge and asked Judy if she could see it.
"I see it, Momma, I'm almost there."
Ruth heard gravel rolling around where Judy was climbing. Within minutes, Judy grabbed the other end of the stick and Ruth pulled her 140-pound daughter up and over that cliff. Judy crawled into her mother's lap, shaking and sweating and immediately passed out.
Ruth held her close and stroked her wet forehead. "Judy, Judy, wake up. We have to get help for Marcy!" Ruth kept talking and rubbing her daughter's head. Finally, Judy came to. Ruth pulled her to her feet, and the two women started walking. Dazed and bleeding, Judy fell three times as they worked their way back to the cabin in the darkness.
When they reached the cabin they heard the phone ringing. It was the volunteer emergency crew on the other end. Judy sputtered out directions to where Marcy was. As soon as she hung up, she and her mother started down the mountain again to meet and guide the rescuers. They trudged up the hill, down the hill. Still full of energy, calm and confident, Ruth held on to Judy, for Judy's sake, not hers.
An hour later, the fire trucks, ambulance, paramedics and, finally, the Flight for Life helicopter arrived. It took 3.5 hours to cut Marcy free from the wreckage at the bottom of the cliff. At last the sheriff pulled her out of the back end of the Bronco and carried her to the waiting ambulance. She was rushed to the hospital for treatment of a crushed ankle and severely broken leg, foot and finger.
The next day, when the sheriff came to visit Marcy in the hospital, he shook his head and said, "That mountain didn't beat you."
Ruth Hagan knew the mountain didn't beat them because God was there that night, protecting her, guiding her, breathing strength into her frail body. Ruth, Judy and Marcy all have their lives to prove it.
The greatest of these
My day began on a decidedly sour note when I saw my six-year-old wrestling with a limb of my azalea bush. By the time I got outside, he'd broken it. "Can I take this to school today?" he asked. With a wave of my hand, I sent him off. I turned my back so he wouldn't see the tears gathering in my eyes. I loved that azalea bush. I touched the broken limb as if to say silently, "I'm sorry."
I wished I could have said that to my husband earlier, but I'd been angry. The washing machine had leaked on my brand-new linoleum. If he'd just taken the time to fix it the night before when I asked him instead of playing checkers with Jonathan. What are his priorities anyway? I wondered. I was still mopping up the mess when Jonathan walked into the kitchen. "What's for breakfast, Mom?" I opened the empty refrigerator. "Not cereal," I said, watching the sides of his mouth drop. "How about toast and jelly?" I smeared the toast with jelly and set it in front of him. Why was I so angry? I tossed my husband's dishes into the sudsy water.
It was days like this that made me want to quit. I just wanted to drive up to the mountains, hide in a cave, and never come out.
Somehow I managed to lug the wet clothes to the laundromat. I spent most of the day washing and drying clothes and thinking how love had disappeared from my life. Staring at the graffiti on the walls, I felt as wrung-out as the clothes left in the washers.
As I finished hanging up the last of my husband's shirts, I looked at the clock. 2:30. I was late. Jonathan's class let out at 2:15. I dumped the clothes in the back seat and hurriedly drove to the school.
I was out of breath by the time I knocked on the teacher's door and peered through the glass. With one finger, she motioned for me to wait. She said something to Jonathan and handed him and two other children crayons and a sheet of paper.
What now? I thought, as she rustled through the door and took me aside. "I want to talk to you about Jonathan," she said.
I prepared myself for the worst. Nothing would have surprised me. "Did you know Jonathan brought flowers to school today?" she asked. I nodded, thinking about my favorite bush and trying to hide the hurt in my eyes. I glanced at my son busily coloring a picture. His wavy hair was too long and flopped just beneath his brow. He brushed it away with the back of his hand. His eyes burst with blue as he admired his handiwork. "Let me tell you about yesterday," the teacher insisted. "See that little girl?" I watched the bright-eyed child laugh and point to a colorful picture taped to the wall. I nodded.
"Well, yesterday she was almost hysterical. Her mother and father are going through a nasty divorce. She told me she didn't want to live, she wished she could die. I watched that little girl bury her face in her hands and say loud enough for the class to hear, 'Nobody loves me.' I did all I could to console her, but it only seemed to make matters worse." "I thought you wanted to talk to me about Jonathan," I said.
"I do," she said, touching the sleeve of my blouse. "Today your son walked straight over to that child. I watched him hand her some pretty pink flowers and whisper, 'I love you.'"
I felt my heart swell with pride for what my son had done. I smiled at the teacher. "Thank you," I said, reaching for Jonathan's hand, "you've made my day."
Later that evening, I began pulling weeds from around my lopsided azalea bush. As my mind wandered back to the love Jonathan showed the little girl, a biblical verse came to me: "...these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." While my son had put love into practice, I had only felt anger.
I heard the familiar squeak of my husband's brakes as he pulled into the drive. I snapped a small limb bristling with hot pink azaleas off the bush. I felt the seed of love that God planted in my family beginning to bloom once again in me. My husband's eyes widened in surprise as I handed him the flowers. "I love you," I said.
copy from others.
Social chameleon
One of the biggest treasures that we have in life is our individuality. Whether it is an original smile, an extraordinary sense of style, peculiar humor, deep compassion, special talent or the way we see the world – all these things make us who we are.
I noticed that sometimes we forget about our individuality and try to blend in with our surroundings. We act like chameleons who want to look exactly the same as their environment. For chameleons this is a defense strategy, is it the same for us?
Sometimes it takes a lot of effort and courage to maintain our individuality no matter what. We risk being laughed at, we risk losing friends or a job, we risk our relationships, we risk being misunderstood and feeling like losers.
You do not think about it until you meet a perfect guy or girl who you want to date and who does not support your beliefs (anything from religion to nutrition.) You do not think about it until you get a new job where everybody thinks that your style is ridiculous (and constantly mentions it to you.) You do not think about it until you get to a party where nobody understands your jokes and looks at you like you are an alien from another planet. You do not think about it until you move to a new country (and sometimes even a city) where everything is so different from what you are used to. At that point your only desire is to blend in and not to stick out like a sore thumb.
I think this is a built-in survival instinct that makes us blend in and lose our individuality. Unfortunately, when we lose our individuality we also lose happiness in life. We lose that inner balance that keeps us afloat and lets us withstand any of life's storms.
I didn't realize it until I moved to the US. For the first few months I was fascinated with the culture and with everything that this country had to offer. I wanted to embrace it all and to become as natural in this environment as possible. I tried to dress like an American girl, I was speaking only English in public places (my husband is fluent in Russian, so most of the time we speak English and Russian 50/50) and I tried my best to act like an American. After a few more months I understood that I was not happy with whom I became. I didn't want to blend in anymore and I was happy to show my individuality (cultural in my case) anywhere I went.
I do not care when people look back at me when they hear the Russian language. I feel great when I am overdressed (in the American opinion) while shopping or going to a family restaurant. I feel absolutely comfortable exercising in my backyard when all my neighbors see me doing some weird Yoga pose or fighting an imaginary punching bag.
I know that most of you do not live in foreign countries however you still face situations where the easiest route seems to blend in and to go with the flow. This is not the easiest route in the long run though. When you try to be like everybody else you become empty and blank. There is nothing that will tell people around you "WOW, what an interesting person!"
Maintaining and showing your individuality will make you bold (in a good sense of course), it will make you feel comfortable in any situation and it will definitely improve your self-esteem (if you have any issues with it.)
A year ago my husband and I went on a road trip to Florida. We stopped at St Augustine to look at the remains of the Castillo de San Marcos fortress. The fortress was amazing and the landscape was so calming and peaceful. There was a yogi meditating on one of the terraces of the fortress. He was beautiful in his calmness and stillness. There were hundreds of people walking past him but it didn't bother him a bit. Then there was a group of silly teenagers who started picking on him but he remained calm and speechless. He didn't want to blend in even though he knew that he would be laughed at and not understood by people around him. This is an image that I will always keep in my head. If you feel that you try to blend in sometimes then try this simple exercise.
First of all think of any situations when you were hiding your individuality in order to make people around you like you or treat you like an equal. What is your individual trait that makes you stick out like a sore thumb in these situations? I want to ask you to be YOU in each of these situations. After all, why do you have to adjust your behavior in order to seem "normal" in somebody else's eyes? All it takes is a big breath and a winning smile and you are ready to go (and be you!)
Please tell me about your experience in showing your individuality and trying not to blend in. Being YOU is the best and only strategy to live a balanced and happy life.
Keep it balanced.
The gold-digging game
China's first successful dating show is under attack for showcasing materialistic starlets and wannabes rather than true love.
When Jiangsu Satellite Television came out with a hit show early this year my sixth sense told me it would be axed.
If You Are the One is not China's first dating show, but it is the country's first successful one. For each episode, 24 young women stand behind a podium, in control of a light. Half a dozen bachelors are paraded, one for each 10-minute segment. The female contestants turn off the light when they decide to opt out. After several rounds of "showing off his talent", including expositions on love and marriage, the guy gets to choose one of the women who still have their lights on.
What makes the show spicy is the remarks by the female participants when they comment on the bachelor. As there are 24 of them and not everyone is given equal opportunity to pontificate, they have a tendency to make utterances that will not fall to the cutting floor during editing.
One of the women described her marital vision as such: "I'd rather be miserable sitting in a BMW than be happy riding a bicycle." As the bicycle is a mode of transport in China, not a tool of recreation or fitness, what Ma Nuo, a budding model, wants is very clear: wealth over love. She knows money may not bring her happiness, but it is her top priority nonetheless.
This statement quickly became the de facto motto for women like her, and by extension, this dating show, which borrows its title from an earlier hit feature film. For a while, there were so many material girls and gold diggers on China's small screens you'd be forgiven for thinking it was 1920s New York.
We Chinese, especially women, have always attached great importance to the social status of those we want to marry. Today status is mostly embodied in bank accounts, outsized housing units and luxury vehicles. In the more "idealistic" time when I was a kid, people looked at things like social class - whether one's family was "revolutionary" enough. The very first question asked about a potential date often was: What does his father do?
It is not realistic for a Chinese dating show to have a formula like The Dating Game, the classic show on ABC network, which prohibits questions about the salary and profession of one's potential date. But Chinese producers have pushed the pendulum to the other extreme when they put on guests that scream nouveaux riche. There was one bachelor on a competing show, aired on Zhejiang Satellite Television, who walked on stage and flaunted a document of ownership for a downtown apartment, a key to his Lamborghini and a diamond ring. Diminutive in size, he overshadowed all Arabian oil barons in chutzpah.
Granted, this is good drama. But do we have to stoop so low to get entertained? Do we need to add wannabe models and starlets to every stage? Do we have to turn gold diggers like Ma Nuo into instant celebrities so they can cash in on their relentless pursuit of material wealth?
To me, many of the women are not on the show for a date. They are searching for a venture capitalist that can finance their budding careers in the entertainment industry. Maybe the television producers should tweak their show to match bombshell entrepreneurs with starlet-obsessed financiers. That way, the word love would not make an inappropriate appearance.
Free lodging in China, but only if you speak English
Visitors seeking to see China on a budget would do well to brush up their English language skills to take advantage of a scheme that offers free lodging in Chinese homes in exchange for English tutoring.
With the cost of one hour of English tuition costing up to 500 yuan ($73.26) -- unaffordable for the vast majority of Chinese -- a not-for-profit Chinese organization called Tourboarding launched the initiative last month.
Lodgers must speak at least two hours of English a day in return for their keep while their Chinese hosts can learn for free from a resident live-in English teacher.
"In the past 30 days, 5,000 Chinese families have signed up," said Ken Chen, 38, one of the founding members for Tourboarding.
Chen said the aim of the company, which is run online (www.tourboarding.com/), is not to make money but to provide opportunity for the millions of Chinese keen to learn English.
Tourboarding hopes to tap into foreign demand for cheap accommodation in China, particularly in Shanghai, as hotel prices have soared since the start of the World Expo in May.
"Travel industry hates us, people love us," is the motto on its website, which prides itself on offering travelers airport pick-up and drop off, free accommodation with a family and two meals a day.
Travelers can choose to exchange their language for free accommodation, tour guiding or even Chinese cooking lessons.
Yang Yang, 16, a female student in Shanghai advertises her home on the Tourboarding website to prospective travelers: "The house is next to a lake, green is good. We can offer single rooms for you to live. My parents want me to invite a woman."
Chen said Yang is just one example of a rising number of Chinese opening their homes to foreigners in the hope of improving their English.
"We accept travelers from all over the world. In the future we will copy this model to imitate in new, booming countries such as Russia, Brazil and Vietnam," said Chen.
Chen who quit his job at Nike Sports China, joined forces with Nuno Zhang, 28, an ex-Google employee to create the Tourboarding concept. The company started up in April.
He added that the website would rely on donations from travelers until volume traffic increases.
"In the future we will bring in advertising to make the service sustainable but we will not charge hosts at all as they are from a developing country," Chen added.
People flock to Osaka cat cafe to enjoy carefree feeling
Nestled among the bars and trendy clothing outlets of the "America mura" section of Osaka's Minami district is a cafe whose primary attraction is not the quality of its coffee but the charms of its somewhat unconventional "staff."
The cafe, named "Neko no Jikan," which can be translated as cats' time, is one of the country's original cat cafes and is home to 21 felines, including a Maine Coon, a breed known for its large size.
Believed to have originated in Taiwan, cat cafes are establishments where cats are let loose indoors for customers to interact with.
Some of the cats at Neko no Jikan come to customers when called, while others sit or lie on the shelves lining the cafe's walls. Others still are stretched out on tables.
The shop is run by Yoko Yoshida, 53, who became the trailblazer for cat teahouses when she opened her first shop in Osaka's Kita Ward in 2005, when dog cafes were at the height of popularity in Japan.
America mura is in the busy Minami district straddling the city's Chuo and Naniwa wards. The name reportedly spread after a store converted from a warehouse started selling second-hand American records and sundries from the West Coast of the United States in the 1970s.
The ambience of the tea shop is quiet except for cats' occasional mews. Managed on a time-limit basis, Neko no Jikan charges 840 yen an hour and 1,050 yen with a drink.
At a cat "cafe," the emphasis is not on food and beverages but relaxing in the company of cats.
Yoshida said she wants customers to enter the cats' "space" in order to achieve relaxation.
Yoshida said not all customers are obvious cat lovers who like to play with the animals or feed them. Many come in business suits and appear like patrons of any other cafe.
Shop manager Junichi Sakai, 39, describes the 21 felines in the cafe as his "staff," adding they take a rest in a separate room on the second floor "when they are tired."
Yoshida said she plans to move her first cat cafe out of Kita Ward in the fall to utilize the vacated space as a genuine "cat house" with a tatami mattress floor.